Dear, I fear we’re facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know
And maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do

Mama tells me I shouldn’t bother
That I ought just stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do

So I cry, I pray, and I beg

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me

So I cry, and I beg for you to

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can’t care about anything but you

Lately I have desperately pondered
Spent my nights awake an I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay

Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don’t care if you really care
As long as you don’t go

So I cry, I pray, and I beg

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me

So I cry, and I beg for you to

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can’t care about anything but you (anything but you)

Love me, love me (say that you love me)
Fool, fool me (go on and fool me)
Love me, love me (I know that you need me)
I can’t care about anything but you

—-by The cardigans—-

i won’t do this..!!

i’ve got tell him the ‘big’ reasons, but i forgot to say the ’small’.yaa, i always have little reason that out of his mind. i’m sure he did it unpurposely.but it’s mean alot for me.

i told him, that i’ve planned this since tuesday-thursday noon. 3 days he left me to answer ‘the duty call’ from the owner and give me many times to thought this relationship. and i turning to be evil on thursday afternoon. yes, i did it purposely. i tried tobe someone that he hate. then i could see that he tried hard to ‘melted’ my emotion.i knew it. i appreciated it with postponed my plan.and give he more times to show that he loves me more. until saturday i still confused but i tried to just did everything normally. but when i saw the picture of her beside his family picture….

it changed everything.i knew that it’s that time.it mean a lot for me. i did. where is my ‘fish picture’ in the floor? where is my ‘cat ‘miiko’ picture ‘ on the remote? i’m sure he have throw them to dust bin. i knew that they are just unusefull picture.it just made his room dirty or everything. but they are represented me.and he did it because he didn’ t want her to know about this. but why he put the picture of her in some place that everybody will see it? especially for me?

i knew that it’s so silly, so childish. and i could just tell him.but i don’t authorized for that. she is the ‘owner’. and i’m just the ‘borrower’.i couldn’t do that.and of course he has full right to decorate his own room. i’m sure it will hurt his heart too if i asked that. it’s enough that only me that hurt. and i didn’t want to hurt him.

yaah, but everything has done…

i expect nothing from this, just blow up my mind…

i don’t expect this relationship break up as fast as this time.i know that i asked him too much.and i shouldn’t do this.i believe he has done the best effort, struggle hard, sacrificed many thing to make it happen, but i never say enough for him. i don’t appreciate him.actually i’m so regret this. i should more patience, more understand and more appreciate him.but it’s too late.i just think that i feel hurt alone, and he doesn’t.i always think bad about him.but who doesn’t?everybody always think the worst.and i don’t want that happen to me.i’m too affraid to receive the risk by myself.i’m affraid that he lie to me. and i have defend from this.just it.
even so, i am so thankful for receive his special treatment to me, his kindliness, his patience and everything he has done for me, and of course the chance he gives to put me in some spaces of his heart.thank you..i’m so lucky for that.i appreciate it this much (while i’m stretching my arms, he knows what i mean).and i’m sure that is the only one chances he gives for me.i know too late to say thank you, he said it’s enough.i just want he knows that everytimes i spend my time with him, that is the best part of my life.and i really feel so lucky ever ‘have’ him even just a half or a quarter or the smallest part of him and maybe to be his ’special person’.i do.
i do still love him,i never change my mind about this, i always feel he’s the right one for me, i never doubt it, but i really can’t in this time.not in this condition.not in his status right now.
then i realize that love will find the way, if i and he are fated together, then i and he will.and once again not this time, maybe someday in the better condition, right status, and the other right and better condition.